It’s been ages since I last wrote something, but for some unknown yet almost instinctual reason, I felt like writing again. As I sit here, contemplating what I’ve done to date, what I’ve lost and what I have gained, I balk at the past few years as I gained plenty of opportunities, but failed to avail any and all, sadly. For several unmentionable reasons, I continued to ignore opportunity after opportunity and completely disregarded my own well being, for the sake of a selfish few, who at every milestone of my life, made their presence known and held me back, kept me from being all I could be.
What I simply cannot comprehend is how I let all this happen; why didn’t I intervene and take control? How could I have been so careless? Alas! Life is full of such Could Have’s, Should Have’s and Would Have’s. Apropos, life is also littered with the Not’s. Now I’m not one to judge but how many people have actually made the same mistakes as I have, before me? And why in the world didn’t I bother learning from their mistakes? On second thought, I take that question back. I have to make that same mistake again and again and, yep, you guessed it right, yet again!
I stand here at the end (almost) of another year and wonder what life holds for me in the days to come, and how I intend on messing up those chances to make things right, make my life better, make the world a better place, and the whole nine yards. But is that really what I should be looking forward to? Opportunities, chanceoccurrences, that would possibly make everything better and make my world a better place to live in? I think not.
It’s about time that life took a back seat in this race and I took control of life. What’s the point of giving up if all you have to look forward to after that is bleak darkness, a void? What’s the point of letting go of everything and fading away if it results in you reaching the depths of nothingness? I might not have the energy to do so, but I will fight on, I will strive on, I will continue to struggle till life gives up.
Life in itself is a conundrum, an unsolicited existence apart from your own self, something that supersedes you and then superimposes you on itself in the most disagreeable positions. Sometimes, it becomes objective and just throws you around, but most of the time, it makes you wish you were a Neanderthal back in the stone ages. It’s more about being able to adapt to whatever is being thrown at you. Life is like a test of a person’s resolve and patience; endurance and ability to withstand continuous punishment and at the same time, an unending series of jolting experiences that simply make it harder and harder for you to subsist and move on.
Consider the example of a tough coach who trains an up and coming track athlete, who eventually becomes an Olympian. The Olympian wannabe has to learn how to handle the stress of high expectations and continued performance at extreme levels. He has to figure out how to deal with the fatigue and strenuous workouts he must endure every day. Eventually, he learns how to tackle such things and figures out how to handle everything. That is the day he actually achieves his goals and becomes an Olympian; after a grueling onslaught of training daily and gradually working his way up to increasingly more difficult tests, defeat being one of them, and learning how to cope.
Life is that very coach that prepares us for the challenges to come and teaches us how to cope with the biggest exam of them all; life itself. Ever wonder why its so hard to wait for your exam results on result day?